I have to admit, ours was something that didn’t look good from the start. I don’t know if I can even call it “ours”. But I’m certain that we’re lucky enough to see it end—for it wasn’t to supposed to start anyway.
You were her lover. I was her friend. It was supposed to end there. Supposed. What a tricky word.
We didn’t cheat, not literally. It was one of those things that just happened. The kind of thing that you know is wrong but feels so right you couldn’t stop.
We were friends when you two were together. We were friends when you broke up. You even got a new girl and I thought we’d still be friends then. But somewhere along the line we just changed. For the good or for the worst? I don’t really know.
Maybe it was good until it wasn’t.
Maybe it was good until I asked you to make a choice and you couldn’t.
To be honest, I didn’t even care about the new girl until I realized she had something that I don’t—your choice. And that wasn’t even the worst. What’s worse is that even though I knew I wasn’t a choice, I chose to be an option.
I asked you if you love me, you said “Yes.”
I asked you if you love her, you said “Yes.”
I swear I thought nothing could hurt more; but then I also had to ask, “Do you know who you love more?”
“I don’t.” you said.
“I don’t know.” you said again. That’s when I knew. Nothing could hurt more. I’m surprised I was even able to say something. Much more, make up a lie.
“I understand.” I said—knowing that I don’t.
I hoped it ended there. But it didn’t. Nothing did. Not the pain, not the tears, not the feelings.
I hope you’re happy now… and I’m sorry for blaming you for everything before…I’m even sorry for falling for you. I was just young, naive, and stupid and you were smart, sweet, and striking; I couldn’t help my self.
And also, thank you for loving me. For breaking me. For not choosing me. For teaching me not to settle for less.
And if ever fate makes some twisted joke and make you read this, know that I don’t blame you for anything. I’d offer to be friends again but that doesn’t seem like a good idea knowing our history.
I still regret falling for you. It ruined one of the best friendships I’ve ever had.
But at the same time I also think it was supposed to be ruined.
Nothing so magical like that is supposed to last…